34
And now he knew she was pregnant she suddenly looked like the most pregnant woman in the world. Cool and clean as a glass of water. All glowing and growing and radiant.
“Hi,” he said, and his voice sounded much softer than usual. “Glad you could make it. Come in.”
“Thanks.” Glad she could make it? Heavens, how formal they sounded-as though it was a boardroom meeting they were attending. And how surreal-given the circumstances of why she was there!
She stepped into the wide hallway, with its sweeping staircase and softly gleaming wooden banister, and felt herself suddenly cloaked with insecurities.
Kaleb noticed her body freeze with tension, and he frowned. “Is something the matter?” he askedContent (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.
She shrugged. “Nothing. I’m fine,”
His face darkened and he gave her a look which was the closest she had ever seen to Kaleb looking helpless. “Are you sure?”
She nodded.
“Come through,” he said-and gestured towards a door at the end of the corridor. “To the kitchen.”
It was a huge kitchen, with a big, scrubbed pine table and an enormous old-fashioned range. It looked too tidy to be a room which was used a lot, and Sasha wondered how often he ate here. But there were some beautiful pieces of coloured glass dotted here and there, and a terracotta dish containing oranges and lemons. She could imagine a cat sitting contentedly by the range. A ginger cat, licking its glossy coat.
“It’s a beautiful room,” she murmured.
The windows were open, leading out onto a garden which was still a blur of mauves and pinks and blues, although the brilliant greens of high summer were gone. Sasha blinked. She turned around to find Kaleb studying her intently.
“What would you like to drink?” he asked. “I’ve got most fruit juices. Or there’s mineral water, if you’d prefer,”
The feeling of losing control over her body was only intensified. Sasha frowned at him. “And what would you say if I asked you for a proper drink? A glass of wine or a beer?”
“I’d probably tell you that although some say a small drink is permissible, doctors now recommend-”
“Kaleb!” Sasha dropped her handbag onto a high-backed chair which stood next to the range and turned indignantly to face him. “Will you stop it?”
“Stop what?”
“Trying to take control!”
“I wasn’t,” he said stubbornly. “I was just-”
“Yes, I know! Interfering! It’s my body,” she declared.
“And you’ve got my baby growing inside it,” he told her quietly.
Wide-eyed, they stared at one another, his words shocking them both into silence. Kaleb had spent a sleepless night trying to come to terms with her news. Yesterday he had been dazed and confused. And angry. But this morning he’d found him-self standing in his garden to see the new dawn break- his feet all bare and soaked with dew. And what had seemed like an out-and-out disaster in the darkest hours had taken on an air of mystery and wonder as the sun had burst upon the sky in a blaze of pink and orange and purple.
A baby…
But that had still been a baby in the abstract sense. Saying those words out loud somehow made it real. And far more real for her than for him. She was the one it was actually happening to. What right did he have to police her every move?
“Have a glass of wine if you’d like some,” he growled.
“I wouldn’t, actually,” she answered sweetly. “But I’d like to be given the choice. You see, over the years I’ve become rather fond of making my own decisions… I did that again, seven weeks ago, when I found out that I was pregnant.”
“Point taken, Sasha,” He gave a slightly unsteady smile as he poured out two tall glasses of mineral water, adding ice and lemon before handing her one. “So. What shall we drink to?” he asked. “The baby?”
“The baby.” She nodded obediently, wondering if this sensation of unreality would ever disappear. It was as if this was all happening to someone else, not her. She stole a glance at the calm way he was sipping at his drink. “You seem to have accepted the fact remarkably well.”
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” He put his drink down and slid some bread into the oven, then bent to take salad ingredients from out of the fridge and began chopping tomatoes. “And when you don’t have a choice-then you make the best of things. Good lesson for life,”
She thought that, yes, it was. That in a funny kind of way that had been exactly her own philosophy-right from when she had been a little girl. She looked up to tell him that and found his eyes on her, the flash of understanding in them telling her far more clearly than words ever could that he knew. He put the knife down, and smiled as he said her name, the smile all mixed up with tenderness and regret.
“Oh, Sasha,” he sighed.
His eyes were incandescent with a fierce light, and for a moment she nearly forgot herself. Nearly reached across and touched her fingertips against the faint shadow on his chin. Wanting to trace the shape of his face, the squared-off curve of his jaw, the sensual pout of his lips. But she had no right to touch him, none at all, and she shrank back.
“What is it?” he demanded urgently. “Why has your face gone so white? Is it the baby? Are you sick?”
She shook her head. “No. I just got a short, sharp dose of reality which forced me to accept a few unpalatable facts.”
He severed a piece of cucumber. “Oh?”
“I remembered that I am only here by accident. That’s all. We are not partners, Kaleb, not in the true sense of the word. Nor even lovers. And I am not the proud bearer of your child-I am simply a vessel that got filled by-”
“Don’t you dare!” He put the knife down and gripped her upper arms-not hard, but she could feel his fingers burning into her flesh through the thin silk.
“Don’t dare tell the truth, you mean?”
He shook his head impatiently. “That’s only your version of the truth. Thinking negatively won’t do you any good at all,” he ground out. “Or the baby. Or the whole damn situation!”