Brothers of Paradise Series

I shake my head. “Not exactly, no. But I have been on some dates.”

“I can imagine. Flowers, candles?” Hayden’s voice is light, too, but he’s not meeting my eyes anymore.

“Sometimes,” I say honestly, though there haven’t been many. I’ve only dated three guys since leaving Paradise Shores for college. Since him. “There’s often wine, at least.”

He laughs and proceeds to open the bottle. “As you wish,” he says with a flourish, pouring me a glass. He puts the bottle down afterwards.

“You’re not having any?”

Hayden shakes his head. “Not tonight.”

“Oh. Well, now I feel like a lush.”

“Don’t. It’s…” He runs a hand through his hair, the telltale sign of nerves. “We’re supposed to talk about happy things on our first date together. I want to know about Yale and school and rehabilitation. About New York. About your future plans.”

“We can talk about that, too, if you want,” I say. “Or about the first thing. You never have to tell me anything.”

He shoots me a smile, and it’s grateful and rueful at the same time. “Well, you always managed to get everything out of me in the end, anyway. Why should it be any different now?”

I smile back at him. I remember whispered confessions in the dark, over a decade ago, about things in his past. Hayden never liked opening up. He fought it tooth and nail, every time, against his own best interests.

“All right. Well, I don’t drink anymore.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Stopped about five years ago.”

Hayden had never been a massive drinker, although I remember him drinking at parties. I remember us in a hallway, our first kiss tasting like whiskey and danger. “What made you decide to stop? Not that it’s a bad thing, of course.”

He looks away, jaw working. “You know that my dad struggles with it.”

“Yes, I remember,” I say, although from what he’s told me, struggles with it is a mild way to put it. I know he’s always wanted to hide this part of his history from me, and always hated when it showed through. I never truly understood why. I still don’t.

“It can be genetic. Addiction can, I mean. And I’m not going to be like him.”

“Hayden, from what you’ve told me, you’re nothing like him at all.”

He looks at me with eyes that hold a fair amount of disbelief. His armor is still up, though, and I know better than to push. “Thanks. But that’s the reason. I don’t want to fall victim to the same thing. I don’t trust myself enough for that.” He’s quiet for a beat, looking at his glass of water. “Or rather, I don’t trust the part of me that’s his.”

“Have you spoken to him lately?”

“No, not for six years. Last I heard, he was somewhere in New Jersey. But I’m not looking for him and I don’t want him in my life.”

Flashes of what he’s told me run through my head. The images aren’t pretty. I know there was heavy drinking; I know there was violence.

“Gary isn’t in contact with him either?”

Hayden scoffs. “No. Lord knows he always hated his sister’s husband. That didn’t change after she died.”

“You never told me how she passed.”

“No,” he murmurs, eyes unreadable. “I never did. And I don’t think that’s a topic for our first date, Lils. Even with you.”

“All right.” I take a deep breath and paint a smile on my face. Grabbing my wineglass by the stem, I pour it out in a nearby pot. “You know what? Who needs wine anyway.”

Hayden looks completely stunned. He blinks twice before he breaks into surprised laughter. “You’re crazy.”

“Always was. Anyway, that plant looked a bit dry. You should take better care of this place.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He puts a spoonful of risotto on my plate. “You didn’t have to, you know.”

“I know. But I should probably cut down anyway. You’re practically doing me a favor. Thanks, Hay.”

He shakes his head, like he doesn’t believe that at all, but doesn’t comment. The small smile on his face is back and I feel warm inside. It feels unreal to sit here and share a meal with him. With Hayden, who I dreamed of every night growing up. Who wore the school uniform with such disdain. Who never teased me the way my brothers did.

“So,” he says, voice deepening. “Tell me about Yale.”

“Hmm, well, I was there for four years. I don’t know where to start.”

He gives me a look that sends shivers down my body, all the way to my toes. There’s something about his gaze-there always was-that reaches all the way to my very core. “I have nothing but time.”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

So I tell him. I tell him about the annoying professors and the brilliant ones, about the seminar tutor who asked a student out during class and got fired, about the late nights at the library. He laughs when I talk about my crazy roommate who used to wash her socks in the sink and hang them along the heater, even when I told her repeatedly that it would cause a fire.

And he reluctantly shares things from the Navy.

He tells me about weeks spent in training, about hikes with fifty pounds worth of gear. About his journey to become a lieutenant.

“Do you want to go back?” I ask, pulling my legs up on the chair. The sun has set, and there’s a faint chill in the air, despite the season. “I mean, are you here on leave at the moment?”

Hayden leans back. Even as a grown man-one without a leather jacket and a scowl-there’s irreverence in his pose. I wonder if that’s one of the reasons I was always drawn to him, even from the start. He was everything I wasn’t.

“I meant what I said at dinner the other night. I’m here indefinitely.”

“Indefinitely?”

“Yes.” His eyes roam my face, as if analyzing my reaction. “Not going back to active service anytime soon.”

“You’ve quit?”

“Not really. I’m more like a consultant at the moment, actually. I work with one of my old brothers-in-arms. We have a business, selling security solutions both to the private sector and to the military.”

I’m momentarily stunned. “Wow. That’s impressive.”

“It pays the bills.” He glances at my arms, wrapped around my waist, and frowns. “You’re cold, Lils.”

“No.”

“Yes, you are. Quit being stubborn.” He grabs the plates and nods toward the door. “Let’s go inside.”