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Angel

So many things were just going wrong in my life at the same time. I couldn’t remember a day I went by being happy without interruption. Guilt, anger and regret had been the emotions I felt the most and now sorrow was added to it.

The feelings of loosing my child, of never being able to meet it tore me. I felt tortured with these emotions and for the most part I hated myself.

How could Thea still love me that much after the great pain I caused her?

I had told her in the past that I’d love to prove my love to her and not just say it but everything I had done so far were the opposite of it.

I heard Thea call after me after I left her room but I was too furious at myself and my situation to stop and hear her. I just needed to be away from her and everyone. If I could I’d run away from me.

I drove on high speed despite the risk, I knew I wasn’t emotionally stable but I needed it to satiate my anger to a certain degree.

My thoughts were a disaster, I couldn’t think right and I didn’t give a damn about my safety at this point. The road was less busy so I didn’t get the opportunity to fall victim of a careless drive and the lack of obstruction was good enough for my mind.

After a long ride and I took my time alone to drown in my feelings. It was the worst feeling ever for me. Feeling guilt, regret, anger and sorrow all at once, it made me feel less of a human and less alive. If only

… I kept wishing for all the things I could have done right.

I looked at my watch as I stood in front of my car, it was past ten in the night and I had received several missed calls from everyone. I only texted Cassie to tell her I was fine, I didn’t want to stress her heart. She had been tossed in this mess even though she was too young for it. I couldn’t protect her from the reality of our world, I failed her too.

I arrived at the mansion and was a little surprised to see everyone anxiously waiting for me.

My eyes first fell on Thea and then Cassie. The looked the most worried.

“Angel….” Cassie called with so much relieve as she ran towards me. She hugged me tightly even though I wasn’t reciprocating.

I was so devastated and didn’t think I deserved a hug from anyone. She pulled out after a while and looked at me.

“Why would you go for a ride in your state of mind? You need to stop putting yourself at risk, it scares the shit out of me and everyone.” She scolded. I laughed within, typical Cassie… Hold on a moment.

I looked at Cassie with a suspicious gaze and she returned the gesture with a confused expression. Then I looked at everyone wondering if they knew now or had been aware of it all these while.

“I’m glad you’re home now Angel.” Camilo said and I nodded slightly.

“You need to rest now. I’ll tend to your wounds.” Florentine said coming to me as well. The men and I needed no words but the look they passed between each other was getting me mad at them.

“How many of you knew….” I said and everyone paused for a moment. The passed stares at each other and the guilt that washed over their faces surprised me. How could that be possible? I couldn’t be the only one who didn’t know about Thea’s pregnancy.

“Know what?” Cassie asked with her voice a little shaky. I moved a bit more to stand at the centre of everyone.

“Does everyone know about Thea now?” I directed my question to Florentine and she avoided my gaze giving me a slight nod to answer my question. “When did you all find out?” I asked again raising the tension. Their was an awful silence and stares were being passed again which only caused my anger to rise.

“Angel, please you need to calm down. Get some rest and we’ll talk about this tomorrow.” Florentine said and I raised my hands signaling her to stop. She gasped in fear and stepped aside.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I moved slowly till I was standing in front of my bestfriends, Knight and Caspian.

“When did you know that Thea was carrying my child?” I asked through gritted teeth as I tried to hold down my anger.

“Angel no one knew untill she lost the baby.” Cassie said coming to stand beside me. The men didn’t know.”

“So then you knew of it and couldn’t even tell the truth to my face?”

“I… uh…” She stuttered.

“You don’t need to get mad at anyone, it was my fault, I pleaded with them not to tell you.” Thea said moving forward and my gaze softened the moment she did.

I looked away from her, I didn’t want to go soft on anyone.

“Stay out of this Thea.” I warned.

“No.” She refused. ” If you need to get mad at anyone for not telling you anything then get mad at me. They were only….”

“I said stay out of this!” I yelled startling her. She quickly kept mute and just watched me in shock.

“Explain…..” I said to the men and knight spoke first.

“Cassie is right and so is Thea.” He started. Caspian and I didn’t know about the pregnancy untill the miscarriage. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know on time but you can’t blame Caspian and I. It wasn’t our truth to tell. Thea was the one on the losing end, she needed to grieve and heal, we couldn’t just do that to her.” He said having no ounce of regret for his decision. I hissed and chuckled bitterly.

“You should know us Angel,” Caspian started. ” If we knew of Thea’s condition before it happened we would have informed you even she pleaded with us not to. There was no way we would have let you punish her in such condition no matter how angry you were.” He said.

What was the point really? It had already happened and I had to live with this guilt for a long time.

“Why couldn’t any of you do it then?” I said turning to the ladies. Caspian held Camilo’s hands as if trying to protect her. “I could understand the others but you Cassandra, the child would have been your neice or nephew, you were the most vocal to me during those times so why didn’t you find the courage to confront me about it?”

“Because Thea was afraid!” She yelled back then sighed and took a more relaxed tone. ” I’m sorry Angel, I feel guilty as much but I was also afraid of you. What if you harmed her then I’d be responsible for it.

“I bet you all thought I was capable of hurting an innocent child.” I laugh bitterly hearing those words come from my own sister.

Cassie turned around to wipe off the tears that had already streamed down her face and I felt my eyes sting as well but I held it back in.

“Angel.” Florentine called holding my shoulder. I looked at her as my eyes welled more with tears. She was also teary.

I put everyone in a tight corner. They were all scared to tell me anything, I was that horrible. Florentine touched my cheek and wiped off the little tear drop from my face.

“There is nothing you or anyone here can do to change the past. We’ve all been through a lot and it’s not even over yet. You need to pick up whatever pieces that’s left, hold yourself together because one way or the other you have to move on.” She said but how do I?

This only fueled my anger for revenge against Sparrow. If it weren’t for that bastard none of this would have happened and I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty.

I held Florentine’s arm a little too firmly which she looked down on with a glint of confusion. I pulled her hand down from my shoulder then took one last look at everyone’s face before walking out.