Indebted to the Mafia King

*Heidi*

As soon as Cal's out the door, I'm left desolated, as if I'm drifting. My mind is numb, and I'm momentarily frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Nothing makes sense and, for a moment, I think I might be dreaming that all of this is just a weird fantasy, some sort of illusion I created in my head. How can Cal-this sweet, sexy, and kind human being-be a criminal?It's absurd...

Lifting up from the floor where I've been static for a couple of minutes, I walk toward the window, eager for some fresh air. I pull it open, breathing in the cold evening air. It feels like a wake up call, the wind brushing against my face, drying up the tears streaming down my cheeks.

The night is so beautiful, the moon shining so bright up in the sky. It contrasts sharply with the chaos and the destruction that I feel within my heart. I've never felt this broken before in my life.

Maybe when my parents died, yes, but I was too young to remember exactly what it felt like. But now that I'm mature enough, I can tell for a fact that having your heart broken hurts like hell.

I had so many plans for the both of us. I really thought we could build something together in this crazy world, where love feels like an unrealistic goal. Cal made me feel like it was possible to be loved. To find someone to share everything with. To want to go through everything for the person I love.

I should accept him for what he is then, shouldn't I? If what I feel for him really is love, shouldn't I accept what he does for a living? Shouldn't I embrace him completely, the good and the bad parts?

So, why can't I make myself do that?

Why can't I accept that reality is ugly and not what I had dreamed of?

Looking down at the street below me, I watch as the cars come and go, each person heading for their homes or their buisnesses, none of them aware of what I'm going through.

And it's not like I can talk about this with anyone-firstly, because I don't have any friends. Secondly, because my grandparents are the only people I can talk to, and they would never in a million years understand-or accept-what I'm going through right now. I wouldn't put this burden on them either.

My eyes roam through the streets, noticing some people walking with their dogs, others coming from the supermarket with bags in their arms, some on their phones, talking excitedly with whoever is on the other end...

Life is moving forward outside, and here I am, sulking in my own misery.

I hate acting like a victim, but I don't have the strength tonight to put this behind me. Not yet, anyway.

Something odd happening on the corner catches my attention, and I squint my eyes to see it better.

There's a guy punching someone inside a car.

How come no one is seeing it? Why isn't anyone doing anything?

One more close look and I gasp in horror, realizing who it is I'm looking at.

"Cal?" I whisper, my voice cracking with disbelief. What is he doing?

The guy is inside a black SUV, and then realization hits me. This was the vehicle I saw parked in front of my building, and Cal is probably hitting the man who was watching me earlier.

No one seems to be noticing the commotion happening in the middle of the street. Sure, this isn't the busiest street in New York, but still... it's New York City.

Cal throws a few more punches at the guy's face, and he seems to lose consciousness.

"Oh, my God..." I mumble to myself. Then Cal tosses the man over his shoulder and takes him to his car, throwing the guy in his trunk. "What are you doing?" I ask, anxiety and fear getting the best of me. Where is he taking the man? Is he... tying his hands? I consider going there and confronting him again, asking what he's going to do with the guy. But I realize I don't want to know.

Now that I am aware of who he is and what he does, I feel like the answer won't be something I'd like to hear. I hope Cal doesn't kill the man. I don't know who he is or why he's been following me, but with surprise I realize I'm not scared for the man. Or myself.noveldrama

I'm scared for Cal.

I don't want anything to happen to him. And even though he seems to be in control right now, I fear what can happen afterward. What if someone retaliates? What if he loses his leverage or the guy wakes up while he is driving, and they get into an accident?

Lots of horrible scenarios run through my mind. I'm frozen in place, watching the scene unfold before my eyes, unable to force myself to do anything.

I widen my eyes while Cal drives away, leaving no trace of anything even happening behind. The only evidence is the black SUV that is still parked in the same spot. I hope no one comes after it. What will happen when the guy's allies discover that he was taken? Will they go after Cal? Will they come after me?

Rushing to the apartment door, I make sure it's locked before returning to the couch. I flop myself down, sinking my head in my hands.

I consider calling Cal. I don't know why I'm not freaking out about being abducted after seeing what I saw. Instead, I'm losing my mind over the mere idea of Cal being in danger.

This is not the type of feeling I was expecting after I discovered he's part of the mafia. I thought I'd be scared for my life-which I partially am, because I know I'm a target because of him-but still, I wasn't counting on being this worried sick about him.

Is this what it's going to be like if I decide to stay with him? Why am I even considering

it since I told him to leave?

Isn't our relationship over?

"Get your shit together, Heidi. You can't be with him," I tell myself in a determined voice.

I take a deep breath, propping myself up on the couch. I can't spiral like this. I need to move forward, focus on myself and my grandparents. I need to get back on track, return to my normal life. Meeting Cal has done nothing to me other than pull me off track in regards to my goals and dreams. My thoughts are consumed by him because I have a lot of free time. I'm not occupying myself with anything, therefore I am focusing too hard on him and our relationship.

But no more.

From tomorrow onward, I'll make sure I have tasks to focus on. I'll get a new storefront, work on having my bookstore reopened, and eventually, I'll forget Cal ever existed, that he was ever a part of my life and my heart.

Maybe, if I work hard, I can one day buy a house for my grandparents and get them out of the retirement home. I could have them near me again while I can, while God continues to allow them time on this earth. Then, when they're no longer here, I'll be by myself, but I have to believe I will eventually fall out of love with Cal and find someone who can give me the life I want.

Out of danger. Away from any harm. A life filled with love and attention. And if not, I'll have to learn to live by myself. Lots of people do it. It shouldn't be that hard. I've been on my own besides my grandparents for years anyway. I can do it again.

Yeah... right. As if you believe that, Heidi.

My stomach growls as if on cue, to remind me that I haven't eaten anything yet. But right now, I can't think of putting food in my mouth. I feel sick and nauseated, not to mention my head is killing me.

I force my legs to take me to the bathroom and start removing my clothes. I stare at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. My eyes are red and swollen, my cheeks puffy from all the crying. The sparkle I was starting to get used to seeing in my eyes ever since meeting Cal is gone now. I feel empty. Hollow.

Stepping into the shower, I let the hot water cascade over my hair, down my back. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, steadying myself.

I'll think about what to do tomorrow. Tonight, I'll just crawl into bed and forget this

day ever happened. Maybe, for a few hours, I can pretend I'm still living that fairytale

life I had with Cal when I was unaware of all the shit he's involved in.

And when I wake up in the morning, I'll figure out what to do.