Indebted to the Mafia King

*Cal*

"What does this mean?" I want to know. I need to know. "What did you come here to talk to me about?"

Heidi stares at me for a bit until she inhales sharply and turns her gaze to the ceiling. She is clearly uncomfortable with my questions, but I can't move on not knowing what's going through her mind.

Does the fact that she came here to have sex with me in my office mean that she forgives me? That she's willing to put everything behind us and start anew? That she belongs to me completely, no questions asked?

Knowing her, I doubt that's what it means.

But I need to hear her say it. I need to understand what she's thinking. Otherwise, I might misinterpret all of it and ruin everything-again.

"Heidi?" I call softly when she doesn't answer me.

She looks at me again, her beautiful, big eyes watching me intently. I push her hair out of her face, and lean forward to kiss her lips. It's a soft kiss, but I try to convey all of my feelings for her through it.

"I don't know what this means," she finally answers. Her voice is firm, and I note her honesty in it. "I'm not familiar with this situation. All of this is new to me. I don't know what to think or do."

I nod slightly, not moving my eyes from her, but I don't say anything. Now that she's finally talking, I decide to let her vent all her anger and to say everything she wants to say to me.

"I'm not comfortable with it, but mostly, I'm hurt that you lied to me and kept this from me. I know you don't owe me anything, but I thought we were building something together,” she tells me. "You misled me into falling for you."

I swallow hard, cursing myself for being responsible for the sadness crossing her face right now.

"I hate myself for doing so, trust me," I confess. "It was never my intention to hurt you. What I said to you before was true. I wasn't expecting to fall for you. None of this has ever happened to me before, Heidi. Normally, I end things before they get too deep. I knew the moment I told you the truth, it would be over between us. I was selfish for not wanting it to happen."

Heidi's eyes fill with tears, but she doesn't let them fall. "Can you imagine how I am feeling right now? How confused I am?" she asks in a soft voice.

"I do," I reply firmly. "I really do. I don't blame you for how you dealt with it. I don't think I'd have been this patient if I were in your shoes," I admit, strengthening my grip on her waist and pulling her toward me. "But I love you."

Heidi stares into my eyes until she drops the only question I wasn't ready to hear. "Is that enough, though?" Her eyes fall to my hand on her hip, and she notices my knuckles split, dried blood covering each one of them. She swallows hard and looks up at me again, her expression more serious this time. "How am I supposed to accept that this is what being part of the mafia means? Do you truly expect me to be okay with seeing you get hurt all the time, risking your life because of what...?"

I see her point. I hate that she's right.

"We've barely started seeing each other, and I already have someone following me, waiting outside of my building, and watching my every move. And I have no idea why!" she exclaims, starting to get worked up again. However, she doesn't signal wanting to leave my arms, which I'm glad for because I'm not ready to let go of her yet.

I know the moment I release her, everything will fall apart, and we'll go back to being two strangers.

"Why do you do it, Cal? Why be part of the mafia when you're so smart and have so many abilities?" Heidi questions, catching me completely off guard.

I would never expect her to ask something like that. In the past, I asked myself the same questions but nevel found the answers I was looking for. I just happened to fall into this world, and I never managed to get out. Eventually, I just accepted that this was my fate and learned to turn it into my favor. "I don't think I have an answer for you," I tell her honestly. "It's just been a part of me for so long that I can't even remember what my life was like before this. It's everything I know. It's the only family I have."

Heidi contorts her face into a grim expression, and I'm not sure how to interpret it.

"Seriously? A family? A gang is your family?" Her tone is a bit accusatory, if not offensive, but I know it comes from a good place in her heart. She is hurt, and like she said, this is unknown territory for her. She'd never understand what the Irish Kings mean to me.

"They have been all I have ever since I was really young and came to America," I explain matter-of-factly. "I earned my place within the family, which eventually led me to lead it. We take care of each other, Heidi. Not everyone has the luxury of having a real family to provide and care for us."noveldrama

She flinches, and I realize what I said was wrong. I didn't mean to hurt her. I wasn't even referring to her. I was just thinking back to everything I suffered when I was young-with an alcoholic father who beat my mom and was good for nothing, who constantly told me that I would get nowhere. That I was useless. That I would never manage to build a life for myself.

It was a pity that he died before I got the chance to show him the empire that I built in one of the biggest cities in the world. He got what he deserved, though.

"I didn't mean it like that," I murmur apologetically. "It's just that... life was hard, Heidi. And I had no one to watch over me. The Irish Kings were the ones who took me in and helped me survive this crazy world." I caress her cheek, my finger tracing her scar softly. She doesn't pull away, which I assume is a good sign, but her jaw is clenched, and her eyes are still narrowed at me.

"I can understand that,” she admits in a whisper. "And I would never hold it against you for wanting to survive. I get that. But I'm not sure I can be a part of it, Cal."

My stomach twists at her words, but I remain stoic.

"Can I ask you something?" she continues.

"Of course," I reply with a nod. "Anything you want."

Heidi takes a deep breath as her blue eyes roam over my face. I get lost in the freckles covering her nose and cheeks, and my heart shrinks at the thought of never being able to see them up close like this again. I can sense that whatever she is about to ask me will dictate our future-whether we'll be together or apart.

"Would you ever consider leaving the mafia?"

It's like a bucket of pure ice water is dumped over my head.

I had seen it coming, but now that she's asked it out loud, I feel cornered. Betrayed. Insufficient.

And what I hate the most is not the fact that she isn't willing to accept this part of me but the fact that I have the answer for her even before she finishes her question. I grit my teeth, calmly releasing my grip on her waist. "Sorry, Heidi. But I don't think I can do that."

Darkness clouds her expression, her features instantly turning cold and distant. It's like I have just built a large wall between us.

Quietly, Heidi stands from the couch and starts looking for her clothes spread over the office floor. I sit up, putting my boxers and pants on while watching her. The only sound in the room is the russeling of our clothes. The silence is overwhelming.

Once she's fully dressed, she turns to me, although her eyes are on the floor. She fidgets with her fingers, clearly nervous. If I could guess, I'd say she's about to cry, but her pride is enough not to allow her to do so in front of me now.

"I have to go,” she murmurs, her voice so quiet that I barely hear it.

I open my mouth to convince her not to, to tell her that we can find another way, that our love should be enough, but no words come out.

Heidi hesitates for a split second as if waiting for me to stop her. But when I don't, she takes a deep breath and lifts her chin, walking toward the door with confidence.

Then she is out of the office, the door slamming behind her sounding like the lid dropping on my coffin.

"Fuck!" I yell, tossing the first thing I find, a vase of the table, against the wall behind my desk. Glass shatters as I drop my head into my hands. I can't fathom leaving the Irish Kings, but I know in my heart I've made a huge mistake.