My Best Friend’s Brother

And the worst is that I have realized that I like Molly more than I should and more than I planned. Nothing about my feelings for Molly is intended. I tried to avoid her from the beginning, and I guess I kind of already knew that I wouldn’t be able to not feel anything for her.

But she also showed me again that I’m always going to go wrong with liking someone. She just reminded me of that because it’s something I already knew, yet I kept pushing it. I tried my best to make her see that my interest was more significant than just hanging out and making out, but she didn’t want to see that. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to change her image of me, so that I won’t try anymore.

…

I arrive home, and by the silence, I can see that my sister is not here, great, better anyway, I don’t think I’m good company today. I go to my room and turn on the music on the phone’s playlist and go to the bathroom to wash my face. The music is interrupted by the arrival of a message.

I ignore it as soon as the music resumes. I wipe my face while trying not to think about everything happening. A while later and the music stops again. I go to bed and pick up my phone, sliding my finger across the screen to see Molly’s name as the sender of the messages. I swear I didn’t expect that one.

I view it, but honestly don’t feel much like answering back. So I choose not to, at least she doesn’t insist.

I put my phone aside and lay down staring at the ceiling, and I couldn’t answer. I don’t have anything to say. If I say I was and am jealous, she will react the same way that night we went out with Julie and Brennan, and she will tell me that what we have doesn’t allow me to feel that way, and we will be back to square one again. She doesn’t want something serious, and I don’t want anyone else breaking up with me as I know very well she will if we keep this up.

Minutes later, I heard knocking on my bedroom door. I wonder if Julie is here yet. I don’t hear any noise. Maybe Brennan isn’t with her, I get up and go to the door, and when I open it, Molly is standing still, looking at me. It takes me by surprise.

She then says:

” Can we talk?”

I answer:

”I thought I would end up in another guy’s room tonight.”

I am annoyed with her and the return of her little games, so I like the reaction she has when she hears me say this. She pretends not to be affected and says:

”Is it severe, Chris? Can we talk or not?”

I make room for her to enter my room, and as I close the door, I ask:

”Aren’t you afraid that my sister might find you here?”

She stares at me now and questions:

”Are you seriously going to start acting like an idiot now?”

I say:

”I’m not the one who acted like that most of the night.”

She instantly turns red. Great, now we’re both pissed off. Then we’re even.

… Molly…

I try to take a deep breath, but it doesn’t do much. I still feel furious inside. What has gotten Chris to be saying these things to me? I’m facing the Chris I picked up at the airport parking lot.

But I didn’t come here to argue, so I choose to say it:

” I just came to tell you that you were right about Ryan being an asshole.”

He doesn’t have much of a reaction, and I swear I didn’t expect it. But he says:

”So now you believe me?”

I try:

”Chris.”

He interrupts me:

”That’s not the point, Molly. The problem is that you don’t trust me or believe me, and I don’t think I can change your mind about me. ”

I’m a little surprised by his reaction, and I don’t say anything because he continues:

” I accepted this, this story of colored friendship or whatever you want to call it, because I thought that somehow I could change the way you see me. Still, for you, I will always be a cheapskate, and I don’t want to be with someone who only thinks that about me because no matter how hard I try, I can’t see flaws in you.”

He then looks deep into my eyes and completes:

” I never could.”

Wow.

I don’t even know what to say now. Is he saying that he always wanted more than what we have now? But what about all that talk about never wanting anything serious with anyone again?Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

”But you always said you didn’t want any of that. You say it all the time.”

”For you, I would try, has it never been obvious?”

I only have one answer:

”No.”

But it goes on:

”But that doesn’t matter anymore.”

I question:

”Why?”

”Because I’ve stopped thinking about it, we are not on the same page.”

I can’t believe we’ve come this far, and now he wants to give up. So I try:

”If it’s about Ryan, I…”

But he interrupts me:

” It’s not just about that. It’s how you choose to do it. I asked you not to, I said I was jealous, but you still wanted to do it. You knew how I would feel, but nothing stopped you from going out with him.”

He had that same look when I met him that morning when he came home from his trip. I can’t believe I’m making him feel the same way he felt that time.

But that’s not fair. I didn’t know he felt that way about me. Why didn’t he tell me?

So all I can do is fight back:

”But that’s unfair! I didn’t know that he had feelings for me. I didn’t know anything about it. ”