The Love That Passed

Jared’s POV

Colleen was very happy when we found out that we would be having a baby girl. She prayed for it and just like what she had told me, God did answer her prayer. Why can’t she just pray for her recovery instead? I am not really into the baby’s gender. As long as they are both safe, everything is fine with me. I mean more than fine and I will be forever grateful.

As the days went on, I started to feel scared. Not for myself but for her. I could see that she was having difficulty with her condition. If only I could carry her burden, I would gladly do it. But I think God is unfair, He made someone like Colleen suffer like this. Or He is greedy, that He wanted her for himself to be the kindest person.

I didn’t want to blame Him for everything that’s happening now. I know for a fact that I too, have a fault. I deprived her of the chance to extend her life. But I am not God, but He is. He could do anything he wanted with just a snap of his fingers. He could make my Colleen better if he wanted to.

“What are you thinking?” Colleen asked. We were just outside our bedroom near the poolside. I think I am going to make this habit every night. Have a time for me and her like this, talking about us before we sleep or until she sleeps and I am going to carry her to our bed.

“Nothing,” I replied. She was looking at me, smiling as she stroked her tummy. She’s really thin and if I was the only one to decide, I would rather have our baby aborted. Don’t get mad at me, I know to my heart that I love our baby. But I wanted to give my wife a chance to live and experience everything that she was deprived of for a long time.

“You need to tell me what was going on in your mind,” she said. I sighed and thought that I couldn’t really hide anything from her. I think she feels what I feel.

“I was just thinking about what had happened in the past.” I started talking and she rolled her eyes at me. “I know that you wanted me to take those things out of my mind. But whether you admit it or not, you know that it is hard.” I said before she could butt in.

“You will only feel worse if you continue to think about it,” she said. She may be carrying something like mine. Maybe it was the fact that she had to live. But I know that she didn’t want to leave either. She tried to borrow money from me, so I knew that she wanted to live.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t help it.” I replied,

“Did I make you feel that way?” she asked. My eyes widened,

“No way!” I exclaimed. “There’s no way that you will be able to make me feel that way. It was entirely because of me. It was because I was lacking,” I replied.

“You are not lacking, you are enough. More than enough.” with that, I looked at her,

“Let me tell you something,” he said, facing her. She nodded, so he started talking,This is from NôvelDrama.Org.

*** Flashback *** (NOTE: This is Jared’s POV when Colleen asks him for money. From here onwards, you will be seeing a lot of flashbacks that happened in the past two years.)

“Come in,” I said, and Colleen came in. I was looking at the current financial status of the company and, because I was too occupied with the current events in my life, I failed and neglected my duties. The company suffered a bit. I was working on solving some problems and she caught me in a bad mood.

“What is it?” I asked, and saw her coming closer hesitantly and it started to annoy me. I didn’t want someone who had no confidence in her or himself the most. And her being my wife, she should have been full of that, because she was married to me.

“Hubby, can you lend me some money?” She asked, even if I wanted to, I glared at her. I was here trying to solve some problems and there she was asking for money. Even if she said that she wanted to borrow it, I didn’t take it lightly.

“Why would I give you money? Do you think just because I agreed to marry you, I will give you what you want just like that?”

“It was for something important,” she replied, and she was determined to make me agree. But because I was still on hiatus with the thought of being forced into our marriage, I replied roughly.

“I already told you before that I will only provide you with your monthly allowance and nothing else. Unless it was a matter of life and death, I am not going to give you any.” She may have thought that I was too stingy, but I cannot take back what I said even if I saw pain in her eyes. I felt guilty, but then I remembered how we got married.

“Well, it’s a matter of life and death. You will be able to help me greatly if you do me this favor,” she replied,

“Don’t tell me you’re dying, because I am not going to believe you. And if you do, why not just accept it, after all, I don’t want you here.” I replied without thinking. I was in a hurry. I know that. But at that time, I didn’t know what to think anymore.

“All right, thank you.” she replied, smiling, and then turned her back at me. I was thinking that she would start to nag at me after what I said and I was ready to talk back. But her doing that kept me in a trance. She was at the door when I finally got back to my senses, so I told her,

“You can apply for a loan if you really need the money. I’m sure that your monthly allowance will be sufficient to pay it off.”

“I didn’t want to get a loan when there was no possibility that I could finish paying for it. After all, it was my life at stake here.” she replied, and I was quiet. She silenced me completely and she was out of my study room for a few minutes already, but I was still looking at the door.

‘What is she talking about?’ I asked myself. I ran my fingers into my hair as I realized what I had just told her. I couldn’t believe that I said those words to her. I wanted to get up from my seat and follow her. I want to tell her that I was sorry for saying those words and that I didn’t mean them. But my pride overpowered my guilty feelings. I was ashamed of myself because what I acted was not so manly.

To lessen my guilt, I added more to her allowance, so if she ever changed her mind and decided to take a loan, she would be able to pay it off. I understand that she was worried that she couldn’t pay them, so I am going to help her that way. I feel glad that she’s not the type who would go for different loans and spend on something not important at all.

*** End of flashback ***

“I’m sorry for venting my frustrations to you about the company matters at that time, my wife.” I said,

“Hmm,” she hummed. I looked at her and found her eyes closed. She must have been very sleepy and was trying to fight it,

“Sleep now, my wife.” I said as I pulled her closer to me, then tucked her in the quilt that I covered her with. I wanted us to stay that way for a while. I looked into the sky, closed my eyes and whispered to myself, with my tears falling, “Can you make her stay with me for a long time?”