Unloved: A Novel (The Undone)

“Jump Rope Gazers” by The Beths plays from the Bluetooth speaker.

A light humming sounds, enough that my eyes snap up to where Matt is sprawled lazily, as if he just woke up from a nap and is not mid-study session. His skin glows under the lamps and string lights glittering around my room. He looks larger than life on my twin-size bed.

He’s so beautiful it hurts.

“Are you singing?”

He smirks. “You play this one a lot.”

“It makes me think of you.” Matt pays attention. He knows the lyrics, what I’m really saying.

“Yeah?” He smiles. “Me, too.”

I laugh lightly, eyes tracking him as he stands and walks toward me. He looms over me as he settles his palms on my desk, effectively caging me in his arms.

“You’re supposed to be studying,” I chide him, but my voice shakes.

I’m not his tutor this semester, and his course load is fairly easy, but we prefer studying together. Prefer being together as much as we can.

Matt hums deeply, his face pressing to mine so I can feel his skin, before his nose skims the exposed skin of my shoulder, up my neck to my ear.

“I was. But you’re distracting me.”

“Oh?”

It might as well be a moan, and my cheeks heat from the embarrassment of how well he knows my body. He’s barely touched me, and I’m already keyed up.

“Yes. You chew on your pencils.”

“And that’s distracting?”

“It is when I can’t stop staring at your mouth.” His hands are creeping under my sweater onto the bare skin of my stomach. Playing with the waistband on my sweatpants, before reaching over to pull open the closed panels on my vintage desk vanity mirror.

“Oh,” I breathe.

“Do you how much you tortured me last semester? How often I had to go home before my practices, barely making it to the rink, because I needed to jack off after watching your mouth as you chewed on that fucking pencil during our tutoring sessions?”

Another whimper escapes from my throat as I desperately bite down on my lip to smother my sounds. He tsks, retracting his hands from where they’d started to graze over my lace panties, and using his warm thumb to pull my lip from my teeth.

“We’ve talked about this, Rosalie,” he says, stretching out the syllables of my name in that smoky way that makes it sound like he’s moaning it. “I want to hear when my girl is having a good time. Now, don’t interrupt my story.”

“I—o-okay—”

He smirks into the mirror, locking eyes with me and pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.

“Good girl,” he whispers, and exhales a long breath, blowing across my exposed neck and shoulders.

My eyes threaten to close as his hands make their way slowly down the front of my body, grazing over my pebbled nipples beneath my sweater.

“Unfortunately,” he whispers in my ear, fingers playing at the hem of my pants. “I have practice.”noveldrama

Matt jolts away from me, leaving a firm, wet kiss on my cheek and laughing at my pouty expression.

“You should rest some,” he says. “But don’t nap too long, princess. We’ve got a big date tonight.” He tilts my chin, meeting my gaze. “Hey. I love you.”

I melt into a puddle. “I love you more.”

He grabs his backpack—his hockey gear is in the car where it won’t stink up the entire room—and gives me enough kisses goodbye that I’m pulling him back to bed with me.

Our local Thai restaurant is full, but not overly crowded for a weeknight.

And I’m sitting at a large wooden table with my boyfriend, my best friend, and her boyfriend. On my very first double date.

A smile has taken up permanent residence across my face, full and glimmering because my joy feels so massive and uncontainable I might burst with it all. It’s like a movie.

Sadie looks a bit ridiculous next to us at the same chair height, tiny compared to our lengthier upper bodies. She swipes her drink and nurses it, dark red lips leaving an imprint on the straw. Meanwhile, her boyfriend relaxes back, just watching her like she might disappear. Completely taken with her every huff or movement.

“Weren’t you supposed to graduate early and be gone already?” Matt asks Sadie, setting his arm over my chair.

“Weren’t you supposed to keep your dick out of my best friend?”

Rhys shakes his head, but quietly observes the snippy argument between them, only reaching forward to kiss Sadie’s temple or take a sip of his ice water.

I would be worried, but I’ve realized this is what Matt and Sadie’s friendship will be—sharp barbs and snippy comments.

Matt with a smirk, Sadie with a scowl.

“Touché.” He nods, leaning forward to take a sip of his fruity margarita. “But can you blame me? Look at her.”

I blush as Matt pinches my cheek and points to me like a piece of artwork on a museum wall. Sadie’s stern frown slips into a gentle smile. Secretly romantic underneath her tough exterior, she’s happy to see us together.

And I’m happy we’re all together.

It’s almost surreal, if I think back to last year in comparison. My roommate barely hanging on by a thread, hurting and angry, now happy and loved and taken care of by someone who loves her. My misery at a job where every person I worked with openly hated me or treated me differently. Now, I’m learning from the top-performing professor in our department with a direct line to two of my top grad schools, studying the topic I wanted all along. My desperation to be good enough for a boy who didn’t love me, who didn’t deserve it, now replaced with the gentle surety that I am wholly and completely adored by Matty.

I am so thankful—for all of it.

Matt now calls my parents more than I do. He has lunch with Archer once a month, sometimes more, if his schedule isn’t insane. We do a date night every other week—but we’re both understanding when plans change.

Being with him is easy. Loving him is even easier.

“Sadie and I are gonna try to go into Boston next weekend, since we’re off on Saturday. Do you two wanna come?” Rhys asks, settling a hand over the back of Sadie’s neck.

Matt sighs a little and shakes his head. “I told Archer I could spend the day with him.” He turns to me, pulling my chair closer to him so our knees knock. “You should go, though.”

“Oh.” I shake my head. “No—I don’t have to, really.”

“C’mon, princess. You can spend the day with your best friend. I trust Rhys and Bennett to take care of you. It’ll be safe.”

Trust. Concern—but only for my safety and comfort. Sometimes it feels surreal, but I have to remind myself that this is normal. This is a good relationship, how it’s supposed to be.

“And”—Matt leans in, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek—“I’ll come up right after. We can spend Saturday night and Sunday together, okay?”

“Don’t cut your time with Archer short.”

“Never. It’ll be perfect.”

It already is.