My Hockey Alpha

This belongs to NôvelDrama.Org - ©.

The air felt thick with tension, laden with unspoken words that hovered between us like a brewing storm. Enzo looked at me, his usually warm brown eyes now clouded with a kind of unknowable perplexity, as if he sensed the seismic shift that was about to rock our world.

"Nina, what is it you're not telling me?" he asked, his voice filled with worry. "You've been distant all night."

I avoided his gaze, focusing instead on standing and scooping my nightgown up off of the floor. I slipped it on over my head, then paused, feeling Enzo's eyes on me.

"Enzo," I finally started, my voice shaky despite the tidal wave of emotions that I was fighting so hard to control. "I have something to tell you, something... significant."

His eyes widened, locking onto mine, as if hoping to extract the truth through sheer force of will. "You're scaring me a little here, Nina. What's going on?"

With a deep breath, I let it out, the words tumbling out of my mouth faster than I had intended: "I'm pregnant, Enzo."

A heavy silence stretched between us. Enzo was speechless. I could see the gears in his head grinding to a halt before jump-starting again, as if rebooting to accommodate this newfound information.

"You're... you're pregnant?" he finally stammered.

"Yes," I whispered, the word barely more than a breath, yet carrying the weight of a lifetime.

Enzo's expression shifted from shock to confusion, as if his brain was trying to process the magnitude of the information it had just received. He paced in front of me, his eyes far away, before finally stopping and looking down at me.

"But I don't understand. How could the tests be negative?" He asked, his voice filled with a perplexed sort of agitation. "You told me you took two tests, Nina."

"It was a false negative," I explained, my voice barely above a whisper. "It's rare but it happens. The tests came back positive at the hospital."

Enzo's eyes widened, and it was then that I realized that I hadn't mentioned the hospital to him yet.

"You went to the hospital, Nina? And you didn't tell me? Why?"

I paused, biting my lower lip. "I was going to tell you tonight. But I just wanted to enjoy your first night back and not worry you."

"Well, now I'm even more worried," Enzo said, throwing his hands up in the air in an exasperated manner. "You should have told me as soon as you went to the hospital. Why did you even go?"

I blanched. "I was having bad cramps and I thought something was wrong, so I drove myself," I said. "But now I'm glad I did."

For a few moments, Enzo was silent. I could tell that he was upset, but he wasn't an idiot. He wasn't about to dwell on the fact that I went to the hospital without telling him. "Alright, so it was a false negative," he said, shaking his head as though struggling to piece together the puzzle that had suddenly become his life. "So the home tests were wrong. Okay. Now what?"

"Yes,"I nodded, "but Enzo, there's something else you should know."

He looked at me, his eyes heavy with a mixture of dread and curiosity. "Oh, god. Now what is it?"

"I might have endometriosis." I let the words hang in the air for a moment as I studied Enzo's face. It became clear to me within a few moments that he didn't recognize the term, so I explained. "It's a condition with my uterus that could make this pregnancy difficult. I've got an increased risk of miscarriages and complications in general."

Enzo's face seemed to pale, the color draining from his cheeks as if he had jus been slapped. "Endometriosis?" he murmured. "And how long have you known this?"

"I didn't," I admitted, my hands nervously clenching the fabric of my nightgown. "The doctor at the hospital said I might have it, based on the symptoms and the cramping. If it's true, it could severely affect the early stages of pregnancy, maybe even the whole pregnancy."

The room seemed to close in on us, the walls appearing to inch closer as if tightening a vice around my chest. I could see Enzo's eyes flicker with a mixture of hurt and understanding, a painful reconciliation of the reality that was unfolding before him.

"Enzo?" I murmured, standing.

Enzo sighed, running a hand through his curly hair. Somehow, he had crossed the room during our conversation and was now standing in front of the large window overlooking the ocean, and I had been so absorbed in our conversation that I had hardly noticed.

"I just wish you told me," he said quietly as I approached. "I'm not angry or anything, but... Here I was, going out this weekend and leaving you home alone while I met with this hockey team, only to find out that you went to the hospital, found out you were pregnant, and decided to deal with it on your own."

"I'm sorry," I said gently, wrapping my arms around him from behind. "I know it sucks. But it was only a couple of days and I wanted to let you enjoy your trip."

"To hell with the trip," he said, turning in my arms to face me. There was a spark of something in his eyes, and it actually broke my heart a little bit. "You're having a baby. We're having a baby, Nina."

His words gave me pause. Enzo, sensing my trepidation, cocked my head. "Unless..."

My mouth suddenly felt incredibly dry. I licked my lips, clearing my cracked throat.

"Enzo, please don't be angry," I murmured.

Enzo's eyes widened slightly as realization began to slowly dawn on him, just like the moon cresting the horizon." Nina, don't tell me-"

"Listen," I murmured, hoping that it wouldn't break his heart too much to hear what I was about to say. "This pregnancy-it could be really complicated. Hell, I could very well lose the baby before you even know it. And I didn't know if I wanted to tell you, to let you get your hopes up, only for it to fail."

"So what?" Enzo asked, taking a step backwards as a wry chuckle escaped his lips. "I would have found out, you know? It's not like you could completely hide a pregnancy from me."

I paused for a few moments, unable to speak. I couldn't bring myself to say the words that I had been thinking all weekend: that maybe, just maybe, a secret abortion was in the cards for me. A way out of this situation without hurting Enzo, a way to avoid not only potential catastrophe, but also to avoid our dreams falling apart.

As it turned out, I didn't even need to say it. Realization finally dawned on him, and it was as if I had just struck him. He stumbled backwards, his eyes wide and brimming with a raw kind of agony I had never seen in him before. His voice trembled as he stared down at me, his face a twisted mask of disbelief, hurt, and a gut- wrenching vulnerability.

"Would you really have an abortion without telling me?"